Well, I'm not much better with the other two, but that's the problem with guitarist too, and it's the whole -- what we talked about before, the everything in its time and place. I hate it. I can't stand it. I don't want to. I want to kick it and make it cry.
He wants to move on, from everything. Has to. Gave me a big long speech about it once, why he couldn't--
[DEEP BREATH AND PINCHES HER EYES.]
[Then softly:] How I could spend the rest of my life with him, but he can't with me.
And it's killing me. I spent three years fighting to get back to him and for what? And he's right there and all I havefta do is reach out my hand, but if I do, even if he took it back, he doesn't want to, and someone else needs his hand, so I shouldn't, I can make do alone but I don't want to. Why should I? He's right there, I'm right here, so why am I stuck pretending like we're not?
And he can say what he wants, but I don't think either of us knows how to go back to just be friends with each other. It was easier on the run. But that doesn't mean it was better either.
I can't avoid him, I tried. I'm trying to bottle up my feelings, and that's definitely no good. And neither is letting them out. Or ignoring them. Or acting on them.
I miss having my best friend and I wish I'd never told him how I felt, and I resent that he was able to move on without me and I wasn't without him. Definitely makes me feel weak. And dumb. And angry. And it's a really stark reminder that I'm human he's not.
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timeasmymeasure
Re: Feb. 17th / Voice / Locked
Date: 2018-03-01 05:30 pm (UTC)Well, I'm not much better with the other two, but that's the problem with guitarist too, and it's the whole -- what we talked about before, the everything in its time and place. I hate it. I can't stand it. I don't want to. I want to kick it and make it cry.
He wants to move on, from everything. Has to. Gave me a big long speech about it once, why he couldn't--
[DEEP BREATH AND PINCHES HER EYES.]
[Then softly:] How I could spend the rest of my life with him, but he can't with me.
And it's killing me. I spent three years fighting to get back to him and for what? And he's right there and all I havefta do is reach out my hand, but if I do, even if he took it back, he doesn't want to, and someone else needs his hand, so I shouldn't, I can make do alone but I don't want to. Why should I? He's right there, I'm right here, so why am I stuck pretending like we're not?
And he can say what he wants, but I don't think either of us knows how to go back to just be friends with each other. It was easier on the run. But that doesn't mean it was better either.
I can't avoid him, I tried. I'm trying to bottle up my feelings, and that's definitely no good. And neither is letting them out. Or ignoring them. Or acting on them.
I miss having my best friend and I wish I'd never told him how I felt, and I resent that he was able to move on without me and I wasn't without him. Definitely makes me feel weak. And dumb. And angry. And it's a really stark reminder that I'm human he's not.